CHAPTER 15 - AN AWKWARD RETURN

It was the blue Rav 4 that I saw first. It literally made my heart race with nervousness. I took a few big, deep breaths and then got down from the bathroom counter where I was sitting and watching out the window for his car...

(His sisters had taken him shopping that morning to buy normal clothes and it ended up taking way longer than expected. I anxiously paced my house and my family kept hovering and asking if I was okay...so I locked myself in the bathroom to watch for him.)

After a single door-bell ring I answered with a timid "hi" and stepped out on the front porch closing the door behind me. I wanted our first moments to be just for us. We quickly hugged and then sat on the stairs and made small talk. At one point my knee touched his. His reaction was normal for a missionary, but the quick pull-away made me feel bad and uncomfortable. I awkwardly asked if he wanted to join me at my sister's play that night at the Nuart Theater. He agreed and we made arrangements for the evening.

We sat on one of the front rows on the right side of the theater. I was cold so I draped my coat over the front of me with my arms folded underneath. I didn't mean to give off the sign that I was avoiding him, but after the knee incident earlier that day, I wanted to do my best to not make it uncomfortable for him. I knew that it might be difficult for him to step back into reality. 

The next day we attended two "homecoming" talks. The first one that morning was Tyler's. Thomas picked me up and we rode together to the church in Snake River. Even though we sat by each other on the back row of the chapel, I, for some reason I do not know, made the choice to ride with someone else to Tyler's parent's house for lunch. Once we got to the house, I knew I had hurt Thomas. He drove up after us and didn't stay very long since his "homecoming" talk was next and he wanted to prepare for it. Once we got to his church's chapel at the First Ward building, I started getting nervous all over again. My emotions were high from the previous day and early that morning. I felt bad, sad, confused, anxious, and longed to make things normal. His talk was amazing and as he ended it with a testimony in hungarian, I felt peace come to me for a few, brief minutes. 

I joined his family and friends at his parent's house for another lunch. It was good to have other people to talk to and distractions to keep me from my thoughts. I knew that I loved Thomas, but I also needed to sort things out, I just wasn't sure how.

I have no recollection of this picture being taken...but it was that day!

I stayed at his house for some time after most of the people left. I needed to drive back to Rexburg that night so I asked Thomas to take me home to my parent's house so I could pack and get on the road. The drive was quiet and awkward. The weekend had not gone how either of us imagined and neither of us knew what to say or do. He walked me to the door and then I went inside and paced. 

My parents asked me what was wrong, but I didn't know. 

By this point, Thomas had pulled out of my driveway and started calling his friend Chris on his way home. He wanted to tell him that he didn't think I liked him much, and that maybe things weren't going to work out, but the call went to Chris' voicemail.

Not two minutes had passed when I grabbed my parent's phone and called Thomas. I didn't know what I was going to say...honestly, I wasn't even really thinking at this point, I just knew that something wasn't right and I needed to talk him.

He picked up and I desperately said, "Come back. Come back, please." He hesitated and said he would. I told him I would be walking down the street to meet him. I hung up the phone and bolted out the door. Completely driven by emotion I started running. I ran with no thoughts, only my heart and my feet. This time he was in his dad's truck. When he saw me he stopped in the middle of the road, jumped out of the car and met me in stride. We embraced as quickly and as romantically as you see in the movies. He spun me around as we hugged. We both started laughing. Whatever was holding us back from each other had vanished and we couldn't stop laughing and hugging. 

I got in the truck and we drove to my church just a couple miles away. We parked with the truck's lights pointed at the swings. We both sat in one and faced each other. We talked as if nothing had happened. The awkwardness had turned into peace. I'm not sure how long we were there, but once I realized how cold it was, he decided it was time to take me home so I could get on the road. 

On the way back to my house, he took my hand in his, only letting go to shift gears. 

It was so hard to leave him that night. The ice had broken and I had no desire to go back to college. I called him when I got on the road and we talked the full hour to Rexburg and another once I got there. Things were going to work out...I knew it.