CHAPTER 13 - GOODBYE MY LOVE

February 13, 2005 was Thomas' mission farewell. I had many emotions that day, as one can imagine. But for the most part I was happy and excited for him. His farewell talk was excellent and so many people came to hear him speak that people ended up standing in the back of the chapel and in the overflow/cry room.

After the meeting, his mom invited his friends and family over for a luncheon at the house. There were so many people there! We ate, laughed, visited, sang, took pictures, and enjoyed every minute we could together. It was great to be surrounded by all of those who loved and cared for my best friend.

The next day was Valentine's day. He sent me the most beautiful rose during school hours and accompanied it with the sweetest card. After school he visited me at the dry cleaners, where I worked. After I closed up we stayed and danced to the radio for a while. We spent the next hour talking and laughing in my car. Later that night he came over to help me with my trigonometry homework. It was hard to focus on homework at a time like that!

We sat together and played on Elyssa's guitar in my basement until about 12:30 that night. Riley must have been listening too because when we opened the door to the stairs, he had fallen asleep on them. :) Just a few minutes before Thomas left for the night, we stood together near my front door. He looked at me and I knew it was time. It was time for that final kiss I had promised him. It was simple, sweet, and perfect. Afterwards, I hugged him tight and then let him go for the night.

(With my siblings the day before he left)

The next day was Tuesday and also Stake Standard's night. Thomas picked me up from work and we quickly drove to my house for him to say his final goodbyes to my family. I told my mom that we would meet her and Kelsey at the Stake Center, we just needed to stop by Thomas' house for a minute. We knew that it might be the last moments we would share together. We also knew we were late for the  program at the church so we got back in the car and drove around the corner. As we walked in the building, hand-in-hand, my mom and his dad were standing in the foyer waiting for us. Just like that, they pulled us apart and took us to our seats on the opposite sides of the chapel. 

My heart knew that this was it.

I didn't hear one thing the speakers said that night. I just knew that I wanted, no needed, to be near him. I tried to keep my heart and tears contained for the next hour and a half, but as soon as the closing prayer ended I got up and fought my way through the crowd to find him. His family had made their way towards the Stake President's office where he would be set apart in only a few minutes. I knew time was ticking and that I had to get to him. Finally, in the middle of the foyer, I found him and tapped on his back. Since he too was looking for me, he turned around and immediately hugged me, right in the middle of everyone there. Up until then I had been strong...but I couldn't do it any longer. I held on never wanting to let go. I could feel his sorrow and sympathy in his embrace. A part of me started to crumble. I had never really thought this time might come...

My mom was behind me and told me that it was time to let him be with his family. I knew she was right. I let go and looked at him and told him I loved him. He said it back and after another quick hug, I let him go. 

I immediately headed for the car since the tears had already started and I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I sobbed the whole way home, my poor mom and sister. Usually I would turn to Thomas in times of despair like this, but that was no longer possible. As soon as I got home I went to my room and knelt and started praying. It was the only thing I could think of that would bring peace to my aching and trembling heart. 

After the prayer, I got in bed and then saw the Book of Mormon that Thomas had left with me just a few hours before. I opened it and in the cover I read the sweetest note from him. Both he and Heavenly Father knew that it would be the only thing that would restore peace in my life at that time. And it did. The second I finished reading it, peace overtook my sorrow and I smiled to myself. I knew the separation would be so hard, but I knew it was the right thing for both of us. 

The next day, Wednesday, his family drove him to the Provo MTC. As you can imagine I could not focus on anything at school that day...I just sat wondering how things were going for him, how he felt and what he was thinking. His family stopped at Chili's for a quick lunch before the drop-off. Sometime between there and the MTC, Thomas texted the cell phone my mom shared with me and said, "Goodbye my love". My mom received the text since I wasn't allowed to take the phone to school. She showed it to me when I got home that day and said that it brought tears to her eyes when she saw it. I was still so so so sad inside, even among the peace that was still with me. I knew the next two years were going to be difficult, especially since I would be headed to BYU-Idaho that fall and starting new adventures of my own...