MY DREAM SINCE AT LEAST THE 5TH GRADE

Fifth grade is DARE year. 

Every Friday a big, strong, DARE officer would talk to us about saying NO to drugs and alcohol. 

We acted out scenarios, sang, did crafts, watched cool videos and more. 

One of the things we made was a little fortune teller of our dreams. 

My mom and I found it in some of my elementary school stuff a few days ago. 

Some of my dreams as a fifth grader brought fun memories to my mind. 

One including: "I dream of having all the American Girl dolls." 

"All" meaning the historic ones. 

I read all their books and got a monthly catalog to cut and keep! 

I was a little bit obsessed.

But one of the other dreams brought a silent sob to my throat:

I've known for a very long time that being a mom is what I wanted to be when I grew up.

But, to stumble upon this dream written by my eleven year old hand as the second dream of my life (the first being my own room), has verified that a mother is who I truly want to be.

It is not a dream that some people have, but for me, it is a desire beyond words.

I've learned to not disclose too much information to people when they ask about it, it seems to just cause more heartache and frustration for me.

I've become pretty good at focusing on the other blessings I have in life, but I can't say that I don't imagine a little one riding in the back of our car, decorating a nursery, or that I don't browse the kids' clothes at the store sometimes.

It is a righteous desire. And it will happen when the time is right. I know it will. That doesn't mean that it is easy, though.

Some of the hardest things to endure: seeing or hearing about parents complain about their children, yelling at them, not teaching them, not nurturing them, or not wanting them at all!! 

Goodness gracious! I'll take them! 

They are such blessings! They teach us some of life's biggest lessons.

Yes, they are hard, time consuming, frustrating, and annoying at times, but what brings more joy than a smile or hug from your own child. I can only imagine. 

I am so grateful for this time Thomas and I have had to nurture and strengthen our relationship. Because I know that a strong marriage is part of the foundation for a strong family. But, I'm also grateful for the time we've had to wait. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I know that we will appreciate them 100x more since we've had to work and wait for them.

As a favor, for all those who have beautiful children, hug them a little closer, love them a little more, treasure their quirks, and laugh at the messes. You have been blessed with something others long for and sometimes, never get the chance to have.

And to those who are waiting like me, it's okay to cry sometimes, it's that longing in your heart that will make you a better mother down the road. Focus on creating good habits and a healthy home for those who are already with you. It will keep you strong and more ready for any challenge life gives you.

From experience, I can promise you that it's true.

Most of all, don't give up on your dreams. No matter what life may throw at you. You deserve it all.

Something I have to remind myself on a daily basis.

PS I'm thankful for my mother who has been a great example and inspiration for my dream to be one someday.